that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
