you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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