Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
