The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
