hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
