No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
