and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
