Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
