Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
