The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
