If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
