Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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