You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
