Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
