Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
