This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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