Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
