dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
