My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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