I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
