Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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