Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
