My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
