Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
