Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
