I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
