then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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