life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i've created a new STD.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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