Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
