woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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