ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there was a trapeze. enough said
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
