You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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