smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
