i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
