We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
