I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
