peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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