My cat gives me a boner
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
