You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
