I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
