I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Duck Duck Cougar?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
MIDGETS
????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
