he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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