You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
