wanna go halves on a baby?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
