I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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