I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
