ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
