I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
