when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
