This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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