So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
